UNDER THE MICROSCOPE: As Florida’s Governor DeSantis gets ready to sign Florida’s so-called “Don’t Say Gay” legislation, Life Detective engages in a semi-satirical investigation of sexual orientation and gender identity in children’s programming. Is this the end of animated programming in Florida schools?

What is the Don’t Say Gay law? The law prohibits classroom instruction on sexual orientation and gender identity in grades K-3 and in any grade when it is not age or developmentally appropriate according to state standards. What’s a state standard? I’m not sure, but it sounds a lot like how U.S. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart described “pornography” in 1964: “I know it when I see it.” The bill as proposed is kind of nonsense: I’m pretty sure K-3 teachers aren’t giving instruction on sexual orientation or gender identity – they would probably already be in trouble if parents found out about this after asking 6-year-old Madison “why are you positioning your Barbie dolls that way?” and she replied, “My teacher showed me.”

In 21st century politics, this is the way one party stirs up its base, kind of like the state amendments against same-sex marriage in 2004. Then they wait for the other side to jump in: we can’t have a good fight without strong opposition!  Since the “Don’t Say Gay” bill has been dramatized into a full controversy, Life Detective will go along with animating the discussion and consider which children’s programming might run afoul of the bill and contemplate that, at least in Florida schools, the day before the vacation when teachers might show a Disney film to kill time might never be the same.

Disney Gets “Tangled” in the Controversy

After receiving criticism, Walt Disney Co.’s CEO “came out” and took a strong stance against the bill at a shareholders meeting. Apparently seeking to appear lily white if not full on Snow White, CEO Bob Chapek ended public silence on “Don’t Say Gay” and suddenly appeared like Aladdin to sprinkle pixie dust on the issue after Disney employees had disturbed the magic lamp of protest. One can imagine which Disney productions might be deemed inappropriate for non-mature audiences and potentially avoided at Florida schools, like:

  • Lightyear, the upcoming Disney-Pixar Toy Story prequel which includes a gay kiss scene, which was restored in response to employee protests to “Don’t Say Gay”;
  • Frozen, aside from being rumored to be so-named to deflect internet searches regarding the myth of Walt Disney’s cryogenically frozen corpse, includes a scene where a man says “hello family” to another man and four children, suggestive of same-sex parenting;
  • The Little Mermaid, since the antagonistic character Ursula is reportedly based on a drag queen named Divine; and
  • Out is most certainly out! The 2020 Disney-Pixar release is a short film about a young man who is secretly gay and has a boyfriend.

Beyond Disney, are other cartoons and children’s productions at risk under “Don’t Say Gay”?

  • Tinky Winky the purse-toting Teletubby is alleged to be gay, at least according to televangelist Jerry Falwell;
  • Would Bugs Bunny’s frequent cross-dressing and wooing of Elmer Fudd be tolerated?
  • Sesame Street’s Bert and Ernie had quite the alternative living arrangement, now didn’t they?
  • Do we need to wonder if the “curious” in the Curious George name was shorthand for “bi-curious”?
  • Does the sexual orientation of the voice of animated characters matter? Does Ellen Degeneres’ public lesbian declaration put Dory from Nemo off limits? How about the rat from Charlotte’s Web named Templeton and voiced by Paul Linde?
  • Might Peanuts be off limits with Peppermint Patty’s admirer Marcie constantly calling her “Sir”?

Speaking of Peppermint Patty, the U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts played the female role of Peppermint Patty in an all-male school production. Would such a discussion be “age appropriate” for middle school civics classes?

The Outcome of the “Don’t Say Gay” Battle

Now that we’ve had some fun exploring the limits of “Don’t Say Gay”, let’s conclude with some more serious analysis.  Some have opined that the “left” did a better job than usual in messaging its opposition with the “Don’t Say Gay” label. But what does the bill really prohibit? Some say that eliminating “nontraditional” sexual orientation and gender identity discussions in schools may have been the intent of the bill’s authors.  Perhaps Governor DeSantis wants the bill in place ASAP as his three kids are all under age 6 and either are in or about to enter grades K-3. Or maybe he wanted to take a final jab at his 2018 election foe, Andrew Gillum, who confirmed his bisexual orientation after the release of a police report which indicated he had been found unconscious in a Miami hotel room along with narcotics and a male sex worker. However, it would appear that the bill’s prohibition on “sexual orientation” is broad enough to cover not merely gender identity and gay sexual orientation discussions, but also heterosexuality. After all, isn’t that a sexual orientation?

Legally, courts might well find the law unconstitutional due to it being too vague. In short, the law does not define “classroom instruction . . . on sexual orientation or gender identity” nor what is “age appropriate”, so it seemingly could not be held against someone in a court of law. Nevertheless, even among judges who may have appeared on stage as a gender other than the one given by God; “he/she/they” might still enforce a vague law written by like-minded conservatives. What do I think? The bill seems like a lot of talk about nothing, a.k.a. politics as usual — and like Justice Potter Stewart, I know it when I see it!